25 Jun 2008

Rats Saw God

I started reading and already almost finished Rob Thomas' Rats Saw God. Yes, Veronica Mars' Rob Thomas. His first novel. Predictably enough, it is as good as a good episode of Veronica Mars. Same tone, same use of flashbacks, same theme. It tells the tale of Steve York, his first love, first Dada work of art, relationship with astronaut father and other various cliche teen topics.
It works though.

Read it.


22 Jun 2008

Army of Darkness

I like to think that everything that happens in life helps define who you are. Even the bad things. But sometimes something so bad happens that it actually defines who you will never be. It "undefines" you. Especially if it occurs at an age when you are building who you will become.
I will never know who I was supposed to be. I live the life of someone else. Someone I met ten years ago. Someone who just happened to take my place one sunny June evening.
I might as well have been dead for the past ten years. Part of me has been. Or maybe the whole of the old me has been. It is as if I had started in one way, got shattered to pieces and then put together wrong with different pieces that just happened to be lying around. The outside has stayed the same but the inside is gone forever.
I am sad to be unable to remember the old me. The original me. The one who didn't care, the one who trusted and the one who didn't fear and was strong.
I remember one thing, I remember thinking that he who broke me deserved to be healed. That I was glad death penalty didn't exist anymore. This is just how full of love and positive I was at the time.
Now, thinking back, I wish I could just kill him slowly with my bare hands or with the hands of a bear.
I never thought the change in me would be what upset me the most. I thought if I got over the original trauma and shock, I'd be fine. And I got over it the hard way.
I never got over the loss of me.
What happens to me nowadays defines the new me.
The stranger me.
The me who got away.

The old me is lost and I will never know who I was supposed to be.
This makes me incredibly sad.

I should rejoice that summer is finally here, but I can't. Not this year.

18 Jun 2008

Maybe Baby

Today, a doctor created a home for two maybe babies in my best friend's tummy. Seeing her with her little girl over the years has definitely played a big part showing me that being a mother wasn't so bad...
Today, my heart is with her and her maybe baby. I hope that very soon she will grow and grow and grow into a mom again and that she will give a wonderful mother to Zelda's little brother or sister.
Today more than ever I wish I was in Paris by her side.

16 Jun 2008

Oh Betsey, well you came and you gave without taking...

My love of all things Betsey Johnson officially knows no limits. Please have a look with me at some of her SS collection.

And then sigh really loudly.

Photos from Betsey Johnson's official website
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